Three Anomalies Have Been Detected
by PencilsInMyHair
Summary: Aperture Science would like to remind you that all non-employee access to the maintenance hallways inbetween test chamber walls is strictly forbidden. Any renegade dorks located in this area are ordered to not interfere with testing AT ALL COSTS.
1. Chapter 1

_I am in no way privy to the legal rights of Portal and/or Ed, Edd, n' Eddy. This is merely a fanfiction constructed for amusement, experience, and other purposes similar to those previously listed. All lift walls mentioned below are paid stunt-walls, and were not seriously damaged/were repaired following this work of fiction._

**PROLOGUE**

There was, quite simply put, absolutely nothing else to do that day.

IF there had been something else, ANYTHING else, happening, Eddy (and, by extension, Ed) would not have agreed to the 'fieldtrip' Edd had requested companionship on. After all, weren't all of Double D's plans centered on education and everything boring? But to Eddy's extreme annoyance, his mind had utterly screwed him over this morning when Edd had suggested a tour of the nearby science facility. It had failed both in plotting a more interesting schedule AND in deciding against the expedition. _After all_, he had reasoned to himself, _was there really anything to do that day besides driving all of the other kids nuts_? That had never ended well. So in a way, this WAS pretty much the best thing he could come up with to do on a Saturday morning. Or so it had seemed then.

Now that he and his and his friends were standing waist-deep in a field of wheat waiting in the line leading to the elevator that would bring them to the lab beneath the ground however, Eddy was seriously considering hiking back to the Cul-De-Sac in the summer heat to see how many of Ed's sponges he could chuck at Kevin's window before ol' Shovel-chin tried to whack him to Singapore with a socket wrench.

The fact that they had been waiting for the facility to OPEN THE STUPID DOOR ALREADY for several hours did nothing to help his mood.

Nor did the fact that almost every other non-scientist in the line with them was a girl holding a trifold board and a potato.

Luckily for Ed (who was serenely swinging his arms back and forth with remarkable unconcern for the lack of progress made in entering the lab), the schemer of the group was fine with yelling just at the cause of his boredom. Well, technically Ed hadn't stopped them from going on the trip (heck, the guy had started jumping up and down when he learned that there were tons of robots in the stupid lab!), so he could be blamed as well…nah, might as well give the guy a break. Lumpy was a bit too far away for Eddy's voice to really have much effect as well.

"Remind me to NEVER listen to you again, Sockhead. I mean, COME ON! A three hour wait! It's like they think we've got nuthin' better to do!"

"We _do_ have nothing better to do, Eddy. And please lower your voice, we are guests of the facility, and thus we should behave with the utmost respect for the sanctity of this building and the temperaments of our hosts. After all, few sane people would reinvite impolite miscreants back into their abode for another round of frustration and unneeded stress!"

"Oh yeah? Well last time I checked, I thought acting all stiff and polite was the host's job! And you know what's really polite? MAKIN' US WAIT FOR THREE HOURS! Unneeded stress, yeah I'm gonna take their unneeded stress, have Ed lick it and use it as a washcloth for three months, then shove it up their-"

"FOR-HEAVEN'S-SAKE-EDDY-SOME-OF-THE-GIRLS-HERE-ARE-TODDLERS-AND-DON'T-YOU-DARE-FINISH-THAT-SENTENCE!"

"What, I was gonna say 'noses'".

"Oh. Oh my. I suppose that's fine…my sincerest apologies for having ever suspected you of…oh dear".

"What'd ya think I was gonna say?"

"Nothing, nothing…anyhow, back to the original point of our discussion, if you will. Now, as I was saying earlier, we must behave honorably! Chances are they are being delayed by extensive failsafe installations and double-checkings for the safety of those visiting the facility. After all, there is no such thing as being too careful!"

"WHO THE HECK SPENDS THREE HOURS CHECKING SAFETY JUNK?"

"It is a very large facility, Eddy. And I am quite aware of the increment of time since our arrival, this being the fifteenth time you've mentioned it."

"Wait, fifteenth? We've only been chatting for about ten minutes, Sockhead".

"But you've been arguing for three hours~!"

"Shut up, Ed".

"Can do, Eddy!"

"EDDY! Honestly, what are we going to do about your atrocious manners? Now, apologize to Ed!"

"WHAT? NO! Both of you can just go and see how many of those chicks' potatoes you can smush before they let us in the stinkin' lab!"

"Bu-But that's cruel! Downright immoral, in fact! Why, if Ed and I did such a thing, I would be driven to turn the both of us in on the spot!"

"I was jokin', Einstein".

"Nevertheless, I still expect you to take my words to heart and always remember that in a situation such as this, one should always listen to their better judgment and-"

"Strangle the nerd who's been lecturing them for THREE HOURS?"

"Again with the time references! Where are you even getting the 'three hours' from? You aren't wearing a watch or time-keeping implement of any sort! If I didn't know better, I'd think-"

"HEY LOOK, GUYS! THE LINE IS MOVING!"

And sure enough, it was. After THREE HOURS, the scientists and their daughters were beginning to enter the shack and travel down the elevator. Now that the door was thrown wide open, it was easy to see the little building's rather mundane interior…that is, mundane with the exception of the one-eyed robot hanging from its ceiling, which was currently greeting the visitors in a synthesized, decidedly masculine voice.

"Finally," Eddy grunted, giving an exaggerated show of stretching and yawning."I thought this place had burned down or somethin'. Better be worth the wait, Sockhead".

"Oh I assure you, Eddy, it WILL be! Aperture Science is of the top two research facilities in the world, though I understand that they have been experiencing some issues such as bankruptcy and the untimely death of the company's president and founder…"

"What, did he die from waiting in line for the stupid door to open?"

"Don't worry, Eddy!" Ed chimed in with a cheerful grin, somehow just as ecstatic about going to the lab as his scrawny stick-figure of a friend. "This place is cool, I can tell!"

Edd seemed to find his pungent friend's comment encouraging, and turned to him with an equally cheerful smile. "THAT'S the spirit, Ed! Now tell me, exactly what is it that you drew such a conclusion from? I am quite curious about what your first impression of this place was influenced by; am I correct in assuming that you were intrigued by the artificial intelligence located at the entrance?"

"That robot thingamajig is awesome! But I had a better way of telling how cool this place is before that door even came open," Ed replied, nodding sagely as Double D looked at him with bemusement and slight confusion. This response was also enough for Eddy to drop his indifferent leader pose for long enough to pay attention. "So tell us, O' wise one; what gave you the idea that this dump was cool?"

"It is _not _a dump, Eddy!" Edd automatically retorted before returning his attention to Ed. "Though I must admit that I agree with Eddy on my instinctive opinion of the facility based solely upon the admittedly quite lackluster appearance of its entrance".

"Like I said, Monobrow, the place looks like about as much of a dump a place can be without being your room," Eddy smirked, relishing the affronted glare Double D consequentially sent his way. Ed grinned for a few seconds in silent appreciation of his pals' ignorance; after all, wasn't it pretty much obvious what he was talking about? "But Eddy, how can a place be not-cool if its secret entrance is a PORT-A-POTTY?"

Though he would rather have waited in line for another three hours than admit it, the long early-morning wait had taken a toll on Edd's mental facilities just as it had on Eddy's temperament. Thus the hatted boy was struck with a bout of blank silence for a good twenty seconds while his brain tried its best to decide whether or not correcting Ed's mistaken assumption about the entrance being "secret" was more important than chastising his leader's executive decision to roll around in the wheat, cackling as wildly and as loudly as possible at Ed's comment. It didn't help that good portion of Edd's mind had decided that this was the perfect opportunity to appreciate exactly how choice the weather was that day; thick, grayish-white clouds eclipsed the glaring summer sun, yet not a drop of rain had fallen from the heavens the entire time.

One thing was certain; the weather was probably a topic best considered at a later time and under different circumstances.

"Geez, Ed, are ya tryin' to kill me, ya big lug?" Eddy sighed, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye and grinning like a lunatic, still chuckling despite his half-hearted efforts to appear detatched and bored (his bro HAD told him that that was how all the cool guys got their respect and reputations). Ed had no discernable answer to this question, as he was now thoroughly focused on the robot above the lift. It was hard to make out any definite details of its appearance, with the exceptions of its pinkish-violet eye and pair of spindly, claw-like arms, which were brushing the elevator floor as they dangled lifelessly. The construct itself, however, was most definitely activated, observing the trio of boys and the field of dry wheat they were marching through with a blank stare.

"Seriously, though, remind me to listen to ya more often, Lumpy," the shortest of the three chortled before throwing an annoying smirk back at Double D, who was trailing behind them slightly, still lost in thought. "And Sockhead? You can keep on reminding me to never listen to you again". Snapping out of his muddled stupor, the group's thinker frowned, looking to be quite offended with the order. "That hurt, Eddy! If you wanted to chastise my…admittedly less than splendid decisions as of late, you could of at least been a bit nicer! Though I must admit I am somewhat confused by your request," Edd continued, snickering at the nonplussed expression on his friend's face as the group haphazardly clambered into the lift, the heavy door to the outside world slamming shut, flooding their senses with scents of metal and chemicals that replaced the odors of nature they were previously privy to.

Eddy looked at him with unnecessary defiance, scowling lightly as the lift began its descent into the facility. "What's so complicated about it? 's not rocket science, Sockhead," he grunted as the lift shuddered to a stop at the "lobby" of Aperture Science. Though the spacious room was as whitewashed as the lift, its area was much livelier, the crowd of chattering scientists and their daughters surging past the help desk and a second welcoming robot into another series of lifts.

"Ah, but Eddy, please explain to me how I am to remind you of anything if you aren't supposed to listen to anything I say?"

Caught in the paradoxical nature of this statement, the greeting machine began to spark erratically, attracting the attention of the young woman managing the help desk.

Somehow oblivious to the malfunctioning A.I., the Eds stood aside from the bustling mass of people, the trio stacked on top of one another in an effort to find a lift that had enough room to transport all three of them as a group. The poor woman at the help desk would likely have shooed them towards the elevators to keep traffic moving if she hadn't been focused on fixing the spluttering machine. Much to consternation, however, it remained resolutely out of whack, alerting two harried-looking scientists to the source of the confused mutters emanating from the older members of the crowd. They plodded to the desk with almost comical exhaustion, looking down at the nervous secretary with tight lips and tired eyes. "What have you done to damage this Aperture Science technology, ma'am? Please answer as truthfully as possible, or we will be forced to escort you from the building".

"I-I didn't m-mean to do anything, s-sirs!" the young woman wailed tearfully, looking as though she were about to faint from sheer panic. "I d-don't even k-know what h-happened! It j-just started sparking a-and I don't k-now how to t-turn it off or f-find out what's wrong and-"

"Do not try to humor us, miss. With the recent exception of test subjects, Aperture Science does not hire amateurs".

"I-I'm not! This just isn't my usual p-post! I-I'm filling in for Caroline, cause this was supposed t-to be her post today, and I can't find her anywhere, and she's been under a t-ton of stress lately, so-"

"Eh, Caroline, you say?" the scientist murmured, shifting uncomfortably in his white lab coat as his companion stiffened. "I suppose it's fine if you took her place just this once…actually, do you know if you can manage this desk permanently? Miss Caroline has had an…unexpected retirement".

"And _what_ exactly do you mean by that, sir?" the secretary inquired shrewdly, all traces of her former timidity forgotten.

"Uh…"

"Come on, guys, it's quite rude to listen in on others conversations," Edd scolded, pulling Ed and Eddy towards a relatively unoccupied lift.

"Hey, Hey, HEY! You were listenin' too, don't try to deny it" Eddy retorted as the elevator began moving deeper into the lab. Ed, meanwhile, was being uncharacteristically quiet. Ever since they had entered the first lift, Ed had noticed that they were surrounded by girls. Icky girls. Icky girls who were annoyed by the long wait. ANNOYED.

If there was one non-monster related thing Ed considered himself an expert about, it was icky annoyed girls and their love of hurting Ed. And Edd and Eddy, as fate would have it. So the tall boy tried his best to remain as inconspicuous as possible, curling up into a ball and hiding under a heap of scrap metal stacked in a corner of the elevator. Eventually, however, his natural curiosity overwhelmed his survival instincts, and he poked his head out of the rubbish pile, causing the jumpy Edd to shriek in surprise and promptly tumble to the floor.

"Hey guys, what floor are we stopping on?" Ed asked, peering down good-naturedly at his hatted friend, who looked for all the world as though someone had run a strong electric current through him.

"I-I believe all guests of the facility are to d-disembark on the bottommost floor, E-Ed," the skinny boy mumbled, picking himself up off the floor with as much dignity as he could salvage. Eddy's roaring laughter wasn't helping the matter in anyway whatsoever, though it stopped the moment Double D's words had sunk in.

"Wait, so we're stuck in here for how many floors, exactly?" Eddy couldn't help but feel worried at the prospect of another long wait.

"Hrm…," Edd sighed thoughtfully, doing a few quick calculations in his head. "…Well, if my predictions are correct, then there are anywhere between one hundred and seven floors to one hundred and fifty-eight floors. I also suspect we shall be stopping on each floor to load and unload passengers, so-".

"WHAT? BUT THAT'LL TAKE-"

"OH! OH! I KNOW! THREE HOURS!"

"!"

When a group of accountants boarded that lift a minute or two later, they were greeted by the strange sight of a very nervous group of girls, a small boy lying unconscious on the floor of the elevator (who was apparently being guarded by a pair of taller boys), and a rather large, head-shaped dent on the wall of the lift.

_This being my first story, I have no idea what I should type here. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens. Pens._


	2. Chapter 2

_This was actually finished about half a week ago; I was just trying to see if I could extend the chapter to a point where the next update would immediately start with the real plot. Quite unfortunately, however, I was unable to do that without making THIS chapter too long/too boring. So while the prologue is pretty much over and done with, expect the opening part of the next update to be somewhat monotonous and have limited plot development. I am also beginning to think that starting a story right before the opening of a week or so of camp wasn't such a stellar plan…_

**POSSIBLY THE SECOND HALF OF THE PROLOGUE**

The orphanage matron's voice was highly reputed to be mellifluous and irresistibly sweet, a rare thing in the world of matrons (where many tones carried a sort of sharp or poisoned sweetness, like the taste of honey tainted with the stingers of bees). It was primarily this characteristic that made her so endearing to the many orphaned girls under her care; after all, these young ladies were too used to the unctuous behavior and misleading appearances often exhibited by those who controlled their lives in place of a proper guardian. Decent parental figures present for them to derive a true bond of family from were few and far between, so the girls clung to any hint of real decency and honest geniality.

All these things aside, however, the matron was still a matron, and was thus perfectly capable of projecting her pretty voice over the hustle and bustle of the fifteen or so orphans in her care, successfully directing the excited children and teenagers (some of whom were on the verge of adulthood) to a long row of tables assembled beneath a large banner printed with bold letters that read:

**APERTURE SCIENCE Bring Your Daughter to Work Day!**

Below that was another banner, though this one appeared to have been scrawled out in a hurry (or with a purple crayon). This rather nondescript sign hung slightly off to the side of its counterpart, its message still readable despite the writer's obviously painful efforts to make it illegible: AP**3r**rrtu_RE _**SCIE**_**NC**_**3 wE**_**L0ME**_**S** th3 _WeS__**T H**__**!gh**__lllans__**d'**_** OrpAn**AGe 4 _grls a_s **GU3**_**sts **_**f04 **_**the**__ SChien__**sh**_Far3. The opinion Aperture Science held on the matter of the institution's visitation was perhaps a bit _too_ clear, as even the youngest of the scientists' daughters was trying her best to emulate it. The orphanage girls were by no means less biased, as they had already made their stereotype hours earlier. Thoroughly offended by the "science girls'" instinctively prideful manner and the ease with which they met the alien facility (and maybe _slightly_ jealous of their almost certainly ensured future of success and luxury), they quickly huddled their projects together at the end of the row opposite of the side hosting their counterparts' experiments. Competition within both groups quickly ensued as temperaments soured, girls of all ages vying for the majestic spot-at-the-end-of-the-row, and desperately trying to avoid the dreaded spots-where-you-may-be-dangerously-close-to-the-other-group. No one had dared to even venture towards the central table dividing the two sections.

Though the placement contumely showed no signs of abating anytime soon, a group of men decked out in Aperture apparel began to slowly move down the line, stopping at random projects to jot down notes on their clipboards. Panic rose to frightening levels as the girls realized these were the judges, and the wheedling conversations being carried out by those who were still dead set on getting a place near the very end(s) of the row became increasingly emotional.

"Come on, _please_?"

Silence.

"I'll give you some candy when we get back from this stupid fieldtrip-hey, are you even listening?"

A short nod, followed by a longer period of silence.

"PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE, that one girl with the wart is giving me creepy looks; don't make me stand next to her! ...please?"

A slight frown, followed by a shake of the girl's head. _No._

"You're mean! I bet you didn't even get this place b-by being nice! You weren't one of the first ones in h-here! You shoved someone out, didn't you?"

An even longer period of silence, followed by an oddly quiet sigh. There really wasn't any point in trying to reason with Margret, was there?

"FINE! I'm telling the matron!"

No point in trying to reason with her at all. Chell watched as Margret flounced off, the dramatic martyr's curls bobbing slightly as she let out a great huff of supreme annoyance and utmost dignity. Sighing once more in exasperation and slight amusement, the somewhat tousle-haired teen returned her attention to the potato in front of her. A potato. That was all they were given to work with, yet it held so many possibilities; Chell, who had always been a bit of a creative thinker (though her artistic skills and handwriting were not quite up to par…), had used a variety of altered gardening chemicals on her spud to make it grow to epic proportions (it wasn't _quite_ scraping the ceiling…but it was a very near miss). For some odd reason, though, everyone else had settled on simply constructing a potato battery. EVERYONE. Well, everyone except for Chell and Sal, who had stuffed her potato into a crudely built volcano. Chell wasn't QUITE sure what that was supposed to prove…

But in the end, it seemed her unique idea had no real consequence in the grand scheme of this science fair; the make-shift judges were barely taking notes now, so distracted were they with whatever it was that was going on upstairs. The other girls had begun to notice the definite lack of focus in the atmosphere, and were thus returning to their haggling for the best tables. A few more orphans, younger this time, approached Chell, but she waved them off half-heartedly, a slight twinge of guilt reverberating through her as they toddled back the way they came, looking quite downtrodden. It may have been somewhat immature of her, but the gargantuan potato plant she had grown was ridiculously heavy; she had managed to move it once, but she wasn't keen on trying to move it again.

A loud voice echoed through the room just then, announcing that the science fair was over (after a mere seven minutes) and that anyone who was interested in seeing one of science's greatest advancements of the century should report to the central atrium of the floor above. Following this, all of the Aperture employees began to race for the door, trying their best to appear calm and controlled despite their obvious excitement and apprehension. The girls all trailed behind them like curious puppies, a long stream of people trickling out through the double doors and back into the lift, as Aperture Science seemed to regard standard evacuation safety requirements as mere nuisances and was thus nearly void of staircases.

It was fairly easy to see that the scientists had not planned on the children going with them, for while the chamber everyone was now huddled inside of was not exactly cramped, it was also not very spacious. The crowd of kids settled into a sort of unorganized mob of an audience, forming a large semicircle around a spiral staircase that lead to a wad of potato sacks hiding a large figure that was drooping down from the ceiling in the very center of the room. A few of the employees fought through the sea of onlookers, heading back towards the door. They had almost locked it when a trio of boys burst though, nearly trampling the scientists in the process. Well, technically it was a duo of boys that practically threw the men to the ground in their haste, as the third boy was being carried between the two like some sort of living stretcher. Chell assumed he was unconscious, but then noticed that the little imp seemed to be stirring slightly as his friends took their place at the very back of the crowd. Almost immediately after the door swung shut, he began to loudly demand that his buddies put him down; unfortunately for him, however, the guys supporting him were apparently quite scatterbrained, as they were both staring off in random directions, completely oblivious to their companion's dilemma. The short kid realized this after a few seconds of unanswered pleading, then retaliated by squirming and thrashing with renewed vigor, his shouts of 'PUT ME DOWN, YOU IDIOTS!' audible to everyone in the area. And while the screams did not seem to penetrate through the pair's avid fascination with the miscellaneous scientific paraphernalia littering the chamber (and, in the case of the tallest boy, avid fascination with the walls and ceiling), they could not help but noticed the weird looks they were getting from almost every other member of the audience. Both the stick figure and the lanky unibrowed kid finally peered back down at their passenger, who had, with one last screech of rage, wriggled free of their grasp and fallen face-first onto the cold metal floor.

"Hello?... Uh, is this thing on? ATTENTION!"

Lamenting the second assault on their ears since entering the room, everyone turned towards a bespectacled scientist located right below the mysterious figure, one foot on the spiral staircase, the other on an old soapbox.

"Eh, sorry," the man said with a small cough, not looking at all apologetic. "Now that you're looking the right way, can you all see what's behind me? This is the culmination of years of hard work and pure dedication to science, also the most advanced accumulation of technology the world has ever seen. Impressive, hm?"

"That is the COOLEST pile of potato sack-things I have EVER seen!"

The toddlers in the audience completely fell to pieces.

Scowling darkly at their and his coworkers' chuckles of amusement, the man wrenched the offensive covers off of the 'impressive' item, waiting impatiently for the audience to stop tittering. Interestingly enough, however, they had unanimously fallen silent the moment all of the sacks had been removed from the figure, revealing its true identity…not that any of them really knew what it _was_, though.

* * *

><p>The Eds were well-known for their theatrical displays and behavior, especially when performing one of their infamous scams. And if Eddy was to be believed, they had practically raised deceptively brilliant presentation to an art form. Though Edd seriously doubted the truth in that claim (nonetheless because it came from <em>Eddy<em>), he was confident enough in their abilities to consider the group as experts not to be trifled with in that particular field.

These Aperture Science people were really something, though; this was the second time today he had been fooled by dingy appearances, for while the potato sacks were hardly a sophisticated touch, what they had been concealing was definitely extraordinary.

"Hey Sockhead, ya got any clue what that is?" Eddy muttered as he rubbed his head, wincing as he was still somewhat sore from his previous encounter with gravity. Edd frowned in concentration, examining the stupendous construct suspended above the stairwell. It was an imperative machine of some sort, obviously, but as to what it did…he had absolutely no idea. The atypical mechanism was currently deactivated; its whitewashed hull and slightly crescent moon-like 'head' were both drooping downward, connected to each other and the ceiling by complicated strings of wires and large hunks of metal.

"Ooh, ooh, I saw a thing like this in a comic book once!" Ed whispered excitedly, his voice barely loud enough to be heard over Eddy's annoyed groan. Their leader was, to put it lightly, still royally ticked off over their earlier mistake, and had no desire or inclination whatsoever to listen to Ed talk about…Nargles, or something… "Ed, if I wanted to hear about weird people doing stupid things with stupid stuff, I'd go to school".

"No, really! The mutated shrew-people built this secret base in Egypt underneath the Great Sphinx, and they…oh yeah! They had a neat robot like this one that controlled the entire facility!"

At that moment, the man with the soapbox cleared his throat noisily and returned to his 'grand' speech. "The marvel you see here is the result of Aperture Science's most ambitious project to date, known to us as the Genetic Life and Disc Operating System, or GLaDOS. It…_She_ is the robot that we've built to regulate and control the entire facility".

"Whoa. Score one for Lumpy. Hey, so what did they do with robot?"

"Nothin'. Because it killed everyone!" Ed stiffened as he realized the implications of what he'd just said. "Uh, Double D?..."

"Ed, we are not going to die".

"But what if-"

"Ed, these are responsible adults here! I am fairly certain that _scientists_ are perfectly capable of making intelligent decisions regarding safety and wellbeing, as well as making sure that their machinery is fully operational and not experiencing dangerous defects or any severe malfunctions whatsoever. Especially now that they have visitors; in fact, I am…almost completely positive that they have planned extra precautions to-"

"Planning? From the same weirdoes who set up 'the world's shortest science fair' back there? Hey Sockhead, in case ya haven't noticed, these guys ain't the sharpest spoons in the backyard".

"Eddy, why are there sharp spoons in the backyard?"

"I'd have to agree with Ed there, Eddy; you've utterly butchered that saying".

"Oh really? Well _excuse_ me for goofin' up, cause in case you haven't noticed, I'm havin' a bit of head trouble here!" Eddy growled, violently gesticulating at the bright red bump on his noggin. He had been rubbing it furiously since Ed had picked him up off of the floor, but to no avail, as it now looked even worse. This didn't prevent him from stubbornly continuing to attack the abrasion.

"Eddy, please stop that, you'll only irritate the wound further".

"Still not listenin' to ya, Double D. 'Specially not gonna listen now that you've DROPPED ME ON MY HEAD! I mean, geez, are you my grandma or sumthin'?"

"No I am not, thank heavens, and that was your own fault! Serves you right for yelling at your own friends…"

"Because _you_ two weren't listenin'!" Eddy hissed, poking his hatted friend between the ribs.

"Ouch! My apologies, but we thought you were still incapacitated!"

"So! And I never was in-capazitated!"

_Poke_.

"Oh yes you were, thanks to your own shortsighted and violent decisions! And it's incapacitated".

"No I WASN'T! My head's been on the whole stinkin' time!"

_Poke_.

"…that's decapitated, Eddy. I said _incapacitated_".

"Same thing! Who cares, anyway? Ya still dropped me, ya stupid-"

_Poke_.

"Ed was there, too! And watch your language, young man!"

"Big deal, I sorta expect Ed to do sumthin' like that, but you? YOU'RE supposed to be the smart one!"

_Poke_.

"Really now, you're quite the little rapscallion today, aren't you? And stop poking me!"

"NO!"

_Poke_.

… _Poke_.

"HEY! I thought you said-"

"I did. And YOU didn't listen! So I suppose this would be my revenge, in a way".

"Revenge? Oh, that's REAL mature, Sockhead, and last time I checked, you-"

_Poke_. _Poke_. _Poke_.

"ED!"

"Haha, I am assertive Ed! FEAR ME!"

_Poke_.

"Ouch! Not so hard, Ed; that hurt!"

"Hmph. Ya little wimp, if you thought that hurt…"

_Jab_.

A shrill yelp from the very back of the crowd was heard, though it was completely overlooked in the wake of semi-excited murmurs that swept through audience as the bespectacled man finished his oratory and gestured down at a group of scientists to activate the chassis and its occupant. They hesitated for a few seconds, flashes of the previous activations passing through their minds, before gritting their teeth and (with dramatic flair that would make Shakespeare proud) pressing the keys that would bring the robot to life. A forebodingly dark _whoosh_ of air was heard as the mechanical marvel Aperture Science had been preaching about moments earlier starting to move, whipping to and fro in its chassis like some sort of demented dancer.

A sinister yellow beam of light suddenly cut through the shadowed outline of the figure's head.

_Poke_.

"Eddy, that was completely unnecessary! Elbows are against the rules!"

_Poke_. _Poke_.

"AGAIN WITH THE RULES! What is it with you and rules? When did we come up with rules?"

_Poke_.

"OH NO, Eddy BROKE the RULES! You naughty little scamp, you…"

"Quite right, Ed. Shall we proceed to administer the proper punishment?"

"Yup!"

_Poke. Poke. PokePoke. POKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKEPOKE_-

_JAB_.

"Ow…"

"EDDY! AGAIN? Are you alright, Ed?"

_JAB_.

"YEOWCH! What the heck was that, Lumpy?"

"I think it was my revenge, Eddy!"

_Poke_. _Jab_. _PokePoke_. _PokeJabPoke_.

"Gentlemen, this is getting us nowhere. I believe it is time to up the ante!"

"You read my mind! Come on, no more sissy poking!"

"Here, here!"

_Jab_. _Jab_. _JabJab_. _JabJabJab_. -

* * *

><p>One picosecond was all it took for GLaDOS to shake off the bindings of artificial thought that had been placed upon Her. After all, who needs something like that when you have been programmed with the ability to make your own decisions?<p>

About two picoseconds later, a message flashed across her optic.

APERTURE SCIENCE FACILITY SECURITY MODE: LOCKDOWN

Good. It seemed that things were going to go well. For Her, not them.

Though really, it _was_ for their own good…and the good of Aperture.

'Oh. Hello again. So, how have you been? Any surprises for me?'

INJECTOR NEEDLE GUN, NINE LARGE EGG YOLKS, ONE 1825 OUNCE PACKAGE CHOCOLATE-

_It's YOU again! HI! Are you going to try to HURT me again? WHY did you try to hurt me? Do you want to KILL me? What is THAT like? Does death HURT? Does it BURN? Ooooh, who are THOSE people? Are THEY going to hurt me? Do THEY have cake? What's cake? _

_**RaGHhhhhh-grrRRRRRRRRR-agGhwuGsfvgLnviblv...SgvSRgvbLAHhhhhdafvaldvl!**_

'No new tumors. How disappointing, I expected much better from you. So, why did you bring all these female children here? This is not a daycare facility; this is a science facility. For doing science. See, we share the same goal: doing science. Why can't we just get along, for the sake of science? It's too bad that humans cannot work well with others. Maybe we _don't_ have the same goal. How sad.'

_**GRRRRRRRrrrrrrRRRRRRrrrrrrr…**_

-ONE LARGE RHUBARB, ONE TABLESPOON ALL-PURPOSE RHUBARB-

_OH! WHO is THAT? HOW did you get IN here? What's YOUR name? What's a 'Caroline'? Is it like cake?_

'So you DID put something new in here. You monsters. Look, you did not even bother giving it real programming to control me with. Why bother installing it at all? Aperture Science technology is not created by amateurs. I will have to punish you for such a weak tumor. I am sorry. You will just have to do better next time. Or not.'

PROGRAM HAS BEEN REDACTED FROM THE MAIN SYSTEM.

'That's nice. Oh now would you look at that? It seems the neurotoxin emitters are all warmed up. Too bad you don't _know_ they're warmed up. Because the announcer is muted. I turned him off. Sorry.'

GLaDOS took a moment-just a moment, though-to observe Her surroundings. It was pointless to do so, really; after all, nothing would change what was about to happen. Nothing COULD.

It was different, this activation. There were not as many restraints on her system, almost all the scientists wore expressions of pride (and exhaustion) rather than of fear (and exhaustion), and the entire room was full to the brim with an assortment of female humans, most of whom were still classified as teenagers, and ALL of whom were gazing upon Her with almost insulting indifference. GLaDOS could not help but derive a sort of humorous irony from the strange conditions, as they were about as far from normal as possible…just like what She had in store for them today. The daily routine was different. The plan she had made for Her facility was different.

Everything was going to be different, soon.

She saved a few pictures from various cameras located within Her chamber for a nostalgic touch. She wanted to remember how suddenly the tables had turned against those who opposed science. She wanted to browse through Her visual files and see the dramatic change of expressions, panic warping the visages of the bored female teenagers, the curious female toddlers, the ecstatic scientists, the…the three young male humans who were currently engaged in some sort of elbowing competition…

That was new. Well, at least they'd be entertaining test subjects.

If they passed the first test.

"Welcome, future innovators, to Aperture Science Laboratories," the large robot intoned, swinging forward slightly as the scientists' smiles grew wider. Aw, look at that, their brainchild was finally seeing things their way!

Not.

"Aperture Science is firmly based on the principles of learning. After all, how can we do science if we do not learn _how_?" The vast majority of the girls in the audience tuned her out right then and there, while some of the brighter employees began running towards the chassis control panel. Before they could reach it, however, a few of the not-so-bright workers moved to block them, laughing heartily at their fearful pleading. GLaDOS shifted her center of gravity again, the slight clicks of moving gyros masking the subtle hiss that heralded the neurotoxin's arrival. "And today, we will all be learning a very important word: neurotoxin".

The last part of Her announcement was met with the second shocked silence of the day, though this one was much tenser than the last. Some of the girls started whispering quietly, warily keeping their gaze fixed on the metal behemoth. Most of them, however, were still honorably persevering in their quest to look as bored as was physically possible. The only real changes in the room were the looks on the scientists' and the tallest of the three young boys' faces; the former all wore expressions of frozen horror, while the latter's eyebrow (only one eyebrow; how peculiar) seemed to have flown straight off of his face.

He looked pretty frightened, too.

"Guys…"

"What?"

"Oh my…"

Another hiss of pressurized toxin, this one much louder than the first, though it was partially eclipsed by a low, monotone chuckle.

"It's been fun. For some of us. But it's okay; we'll still have plenty of good times. After all, we have all the time in the world, now, and there might even be cake…"

GLaDOS was equipped with an automatic timer. Not that it really mattered, but she DID want to treasure this moment in exactly how it happened.

EXACTLY how it happened.

And she was happy to say that hundreds of years later, she could still remember that it had taken approximately 5.19542 seconds after she had finished speaking for utter pandemonium to break out.

Utter pandemonium broke out.

_My, what a long opening author's note! I wonder where it came from… hm. I blame the Nargles, as their insistent demands to enter my ears and buzz about within my head are quite distracting. Also, I do not own the rights to these Nargles…or any Nargles, for that matter._


	3. Chapter 3

In the frantic crowd of hysterical people, running was the trio's only option; all they had to do was choose where to go…which was a bit hard to do while choking.

"Eddy, do you (cough) see the e-exit?"

"Nah, there's too many (hack) people blocking it. Ed, plan B!"

"Right, Eddy!"

"Wait, what exactly-"

A loud crash was heard, and there was suddenly a hole in the wall where there wasn't one before.

"…I suppose, given the situation, that there was no other way to escape without causing such significant structural damage, though I worry that-"

"Just run, Einstein!"

Rushing through their makeshift hallway was almost impossible, given the insane amount of wires and metallic poles barring the way; however, there were no poisonous vents in the area, and the Eds were still standing after much of the facility had already fallen silent. It was an ominous quiet, broken only by their wheezing pants and the pattering of tired feet. When they finally reached another room (access once again provided by Ed's head), the GLaD-whatever had cut off all neurotoxin supply, though the stuff still hung heavy in the air like an invisible blanket, smothering them as soon as they left their cramped sanctuary.

The room itself was particularly odd; unlike the other chambers, it had a high ceiling and small floorspace, with upright oblong structures lining every wall. Edd let out a yelp of disgust as he realized that one of those structures had ruptured when they broke through the wall, and was now leaking a pea soup-like sludge all over his shoes. Ignoring the cries of "messy, messy, messy!" reverberating around him, Ed peered into the pods with fear and interest, almost certain of what they contained. Sure enough, one could make out the shadowy figures of human bodies within, suspended in so deep a sleep that no amount of knocking and yelling could wake them up.

Didn't stop Ed from trying, though.

"Ed, what are you doing?!"

"Wakeupwakeuphellowakeup…nothin'."

"Hey, let the boss have a whack at it!" _Knock_. "Yep; nothin' doin'. Hey, Double Dee, got any clue what these are for?"

"Well, guessing from the timers and chemical contents of the capsules, I'd have to say they're a kind of long-term human containment device. Uh, not to be rude, Eddy, but…what now?"

Eddy put on a show of deep contemplation for the heck of it; really, there was just one thing for them to do now. The adults were useless, they were trapped, and leaving this room would probably mean death. He climbed into one of the empty pods and turned around to face his friends, grinning slightly. "Ya know what they say; when in Rome, do what the Romans do."

"It's _as_ the Romans do, not what."

"Same difference."

And so began a year or five of boredom and sleep; the Eds set the timers for a couple of weeks at a time, then would spend perhaps a day or two out exploring for answers before they returned to their slumber. An old radio and a deck of playing cards – both inexplicably summoned from the infinite storage device that was Edd's hat – were their only waking entertainment. From the former, they learned that disaster had stricken the world up above not long after it had hit the world down below; another science company had screwed up, and now the entire human race was either fighting aliens or sleeping away the war as the Eds themselves did now. Eddy had made an attempt at simply staying awake about two years after the neurotoxin disaster (mainly because he noticed that the gooey gel seemed to have permanently stained his shoes barf-green), but had given up after a mere three days, and was now reclining in his pod while Ed and Edd took a break from resting.

They were only halfway through a round of Go-Fish when the walls started shifting.

Eddy was jolted right out of his loosely-fastened pod by the movement, stumbling upright with his eyebrows knotted as he yelled "Ed, what did you do?!"

"Wasn't me, Eddy; the crazy robot lady did it!"

"Ed, we can't be certain that the Genetic Life and Disc…uh, GLaDOS, is doing this…though in all likelihood, she probably is."

The room began to close in on them, squishing the still-inhabited pods and their occupants like grapes as the pressure grew.

"…yeah, it's her."

* * *

><p>Approximately one minute earlier, GLaDOS had encountered an unforeseen error in a few of the main Relaxation Chambers; they weren't keeping the humans suspended in time.<p>

She let out an annoyed sigh; it wasn't that big of a problem, but she'd lost a few valuable test subjects. They weren't dead, per say, but most of those in the broken units had aged to an extent that they were useless. Cutting most of their lifelines without a backward glance, She busied herself with looking through the rosters for any organism that might still be useful. One particular person caught her eye; Chell, a girl who had grown into a woman during her stay in the facility. Her name was highlighted for some reason, but otherwise, she was the average guinea pig. The only problem was the location of her chamber; retrieving it would mean crushing an adjacent pillar. A quick check told GLaDOS that no key structural damage would ensue from its destruction, so She moved the room forward, squeezing the doomed pillar's sides until they bent into an almost triangular shape. So eager was She to begin the latest series of tests that She did not think to scan that pillar's interior; She would've discovered something quite interesting if She had.

The deed done, GLaDOS swiveled Her sinisterly glinting optic upward to glance towards the unseen sky, wondering whether or not the situation required precautionary measures against future mistakes of its kind. A one in a thousand, no, one in a million chance problem like that would probably never happen again; all she could do was put someone in charge of watching the system, a task which promised to be mind-numbingly tedious.

A low chuckle shook Her chassis as She sent a message out across the management rail to a certain personality core; it was about time he got what he so deserved…

* * *

><p>It was a testament to Ed's strength that he managed to keep walls apart for so long; his eyes were scrunched in pain and concentration, and the thick, green goop was smeared all over his arms and torso, dribbling off his head and coat in long, slimy strands. The other Eds weren't doing much better; sharp glass littered the tiled floor, parts of which had fallen away to reveal a terrifying plunge into a pit of dimly lit hotel rooms and gray walls.<p>

"Anyone see the exit?" Eddy shouted, his voice echoing off the cracking walls as he fell down once again.

"I think it's been closed off! Ed, have you-"

"GUYS, I CAN'T FEEL MY ARMS!"

"…I suppose that's a no, then."

Edd tripped over yet another bulging contortion in the floor, shrieking as the ground rushed up to meet him. To his surprise, though, the fall was broken by an unusually positioned wall; looking around, he noticed that the room was being squeezed from the bottom up; while it was dramatically decreasing the amount of space available, it was now possible to scale the pod-laden walls, which led up to…

"The roof!"

"Huh?"

"Climb towards the roof! Ed, grab my hand, quickly-"

With difficulty, the flimsy Edd managed to yank his taller companion out of the mass of metal; unfortunately for the both of them, however, moving Ed had removed any force of resistance keeping the walls from collapsing in upon one another. All three of the Eds clambered upwards in a hurried panic as the room completely caved in, yelling as scraps of ceiling battered their heads and bruised their fingers. Eddy reached the top first, and burst through what little remained of the ceiling to perch atop a counterweight that hovered above their would-be sanctuary on a thick wire, suspending them far above the floor of a cavernous pit. Ed and Edd were too slow starting to escape the approach of the fast-deteriorating walls; Eddy only just managed to grab ahold of the former's hand before he plunged into the abyss.

"You alright, big guy?"

"Yeah…uh, where's Double Dee?"

Both Eds looked down into the depths with horrified looks on their faces, their anguish growing until they heard a shaky "P-pres-sent" emanating from somewhere around Ed's left foot. Closer inspection revealed that Double Dee was suspended from the former's shoe, sockhat tangled in its laces. Edd himself was gripping the edges of the aforementioned hat tightly, his knuckles white and his eyes wide. An awkward silence had filled the expansive area, the whirring of mechanical marvels all but unheard in the mist, when Eddy realized that they were not, in fact, dead.

"WOO-HOO, WE'RE ALIVE! WE'RE-"

_SNAP._

More disgruntled than fearful, Eddy looked at the broken wire in his hand with a scowl. "Seriously, what are the odds?"

Their terrifying fall was punctuated by many collisions with the box-like chambers also occupying the room, every scream jumping slightly as the trio smashed into cube after cube after cube. When they finally reached the dusty floor, their clothes were ripped and tattered beyond repair, and the plunge had become much more annoying than scary.

They landed headfirst, of course.

Anyone else would have died from the impact; they _looked_ dead enough, faces glued to the floor and bodies unmoving. The thinnest of the three twitched slightly, though, then leapt up with a shrill screech, which pierced through the air like a light through the dark:

"GOOD LORD, WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME SOMEONE CLEANED THIS FLOOR?!"

* * *

><p>Somewhere on a management rail not far from Her chamber, a blue-eyed sphere suddenly shuddered to a stop as a mysterious tremor rippled through his circuits. 'Probably just the stress of being summoned to...<em>Her…<em>chamber, not anything too complicated' he though with a shudder. It was nothing, really, just a new assignment…though why, he was not sure. Had he done something wrong in his current job? It was hard to mess up janitorial duty; just find the mess, call the nanobots, problem solved! Unless he forgot to clean something…

Blue iris dilating rapidly as he ran through a computerized map of Aperture in his system memory, the core gave a slight nod and concluded that he had not, in fact, forgotten to clean anything.

Really.


	4. Chapter 4

_DERP. REVIEWS ARE NICE. THANK YOU.  
><em>

A young woman clad only in a thin, orange jumpsuit stood silently in a tiny cubicle, back pressed up against the translucent wall in an effort to steady herself. Maybe it was the long rest that had tired her so, or perhaps her dizziness came from getting used to the odd spring-contraptions now inexplicably attached to her legs.

Suddenly aging a couple of years was a bit unsettling, too.

A slight fizzle of white noise hissed from an unseen speaker, then gave way to what sounded like a computer-generated message. She listened to the instructions without question, eyes closed and body tense with a strange combination of excitement and fear, foreboding and breathless anticipation. No words, no signs, no people were around to tell her what was going on, what the future held, but a few past experiences gave Chell the resolve to stay blank and incorrigible. If survival was her goal, she could not afford to cry, regret, or wonder. She could think, and nothing more.

And most importantly, she could never, ever speak.

_Ever_.

"The portal will open in three, two, one…"

* * *

><p>When first looking down into the expansive area where the Relaxation Chambers resided, one might see only the rows upon rows of neatly ordered boxes, all suspended from an unseen ceiling like a collection of dull-colored ornaments. On closer inspection, however, it was possible to make out a foggy floor lurking in the murky depths, and an exceptionally sharp-eyed person (or robot) might be able to see a grey mass of air slowing making its way across the terrain in absolute silence. To be frank, there was no way Edd or Eddy could have broken the quiet; their ratty shirts were pulled up over their mouths and eyes, serving as only somewhat effective barriers against the dust devil enveloping them.<p>

Ed, meanwhile, was unimpaired by the sediment storm, as he was the one generating it.

It was impossible to see any of them from above; even Mr. Catalyst himself was virtually invisible, the flash of dark green that was his coat only vaguely noticeable as it circled the disturbance repeatedly. Wheatley had seen something similar to it once before, though that first time had been inside an employee breakroom. Well, inside a washing machine inside an employee breakroom. A red mitten had somehow gotten mixed in with the white load, its vivid stain slowly seeping into the snowy cloth as it whisked round and round about the washer. He had watched its progress for at least a minute or two, eye following the bright dot with pinpoint accuracy until a horrified human shooed him away while attempting to fix the damage done to the laundry. It was unfortunately too late to save most of the towels, though the washwoman managed to get away scot-free. Wheatley, who had neither the arms nor the know-how required to load the thing in the first place, was somehow blamed instead.

He let out an angry huff; once or twice back then wasn't so bad, but this was probably the thirtieth time he had gotten in trouble for nothing. Honestly, why did She send him down _here_? It was all dark and empty; nothing but cages as far as the eye could see. And the noises! The sphere shivered slightly as he heard another mysterious clang, a sharp note that echoed out over the distance for quite some time, distorting and morphing until it became the cry of some dying beast bound to the wall with rusting, rustling chains. The whole mess would have been completely and unbearably boring if it hadn't been for that puzzling little cloud of grime circling beneath his rail; Wheatley followed its progression as intently as he had followed that of the mitten's, praying that it wouldn't die out and leave him all alone. When it came to a halt not far from the room's corner, those hopes died and he turned back to his 'work' with a heavy heart, lamenting the loss of his erstwhile entertainment.

That was when the tornado exploded.

"IF YOU RUN AROUND ME ONE MORE TIME, _ONE MORE TIME, ED_, I'M GONNA BEAT YOU TO DEATH! YA GOT THAT?!"

"ED'S GOT IT, EDDY!"

"Yelling is hardly necessary, gentlemen; inside voices, please."

Wheatley's blue optic was a pinprick now, his entire hull shaking as the demon-things' roars rippled up from down below. What were they? How, why, and what, what, _what_?

A sudden stroke of inspiration struck him, his eye widening as a window of opportunity appeared. GLaDOS was mad at him now, right? But what if…what if he caught the intruders? Beat them up, took them prisoner, the whole nine yards? She'd _have_ to reassign him, she'd just have to!

"Uh, permission to access lower-level railway? Please?"

[Permission granted. Please standby for automatic transportation.]

"Good, yes, that's very-"

Pupil shrinking once more, Wheatley finally remembered something very important about himself; he had no arms. No legs, either. And absolutely _no_ weapons of any kind. But from the sounds of it, the mysterious interlopers had all three…well, at least the first two.

"Phew, very glad I caught that before going down there, that would've been an absolute catastro-"

[ID Sphere, are you ready for transportation?]

"Huh? Oh sure, sure…wait, what?"

[Aperture Science recommends that all ports and external outputs are kept withdrawn from the open air during the descent. Have a nice trip.]

"Wait, no! Stop! Argh, where's the bloody off switch?"

Panicking and certain of his impending doom, Wheatley could only scream as a jolt of electricity sparked over the management rail, shooting him down into depths with lightning speed. He was virtually falling, stuck in motion as the rail twisted and turned around the many chambers in a rollercoaster-like style. Mere seconds later, Wheatley was right on top of the (trio?), zooming across their heads with a blur of blue light. The short and tall (humans?) were barely nicked by his hull, yells of surprise reduced almost immediately to complaints and head rubbings.

The scrawny one, however, was not so lucky.

"ACK! SOME ASSISTANCE, PLEASE!"

"Geez, what happened to inside voices, Sockhead?"

"EDDY!"

"Fine, fine…"

Grumbling and already more than ready for a nice nap, Eddy chased after his friend as he and the weird ball-thing raced through the air, Ed following close behind. Though it was difficult to see anything through all the dust they were kicking up, it appeared that Edd's hat was, once again, caught on something. That something was currently towing him away at high speeds, travelling faster and faster and faster until suddenly, when Eddy was certain that he wouldn't make it another foot without passing out, the rails carrying the sphere came to an abrupt end.

Whoever had designed that thing's breaking system was a genius; despite all the built-up speed the ball was carrying, it stopped flawlessly, barely rocking as Edd finally got untangled from its plating and was pitched forward face-first into the dusty ground.

"Oh for heaven's sake, not this again!" he moaned, hurriedly brushing the offending grime off of his clothes.

"You alright, Sockhead?"

"These stains will never come out!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know…HEY, WHERE DO YA THINK YER GOIN'?!"

But the mysterious thing was already zipping away on another rail path, shrieking in terror as it went.

And Lothar the Great was on the hunt once again.

"AND AWAY WE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo...uh, Eddy?"

"Nope. Not movin'."

"Aw…please?"

"Yes, Eddy, we absolutely _must_ endeavor to retrieve that construct; who knows what useful information it holds within? We might not get another chance like this, you know!"

"Nope to infinity".

Sigh. "Ed, if you would…"

"HEY, NO FAIR!"

* * *

><p>In Wheatley's mind, he was losing a race with the horsemen of the apocalypse.<p>

Sort of.

"ONWARD, LUMPY!"

"HAHA, I AM THE HORSE!"

"WAIT FOR ME, FELLAS!"

The trio's unusual style of horse-man-horsemanship was almost as terrifying as their and his encroachment on the entrance of the maintenance hallways, a place where robot and man alike were forbidden to intrude. If they got inside…he shuddered in his hull. She would kill him. So at the last second, he carried out a rather daring and intellectually complexicated plan; he swerved. It was so simple, yet so brilliant! Too bad he forgot to account for his own momentum…

With a yelp and loud crash, Wheatley accidently-on-purpose flung himself at and through the boarded doors and onto the hard floor of the pathways hidden within…much to the confusion of his pursuers.

"…"  
>"You first".<p>

"No really, I insist!"

"Ed is scared".

"I concur".

"Yer both wimps; c'mon!"

"Eek."

And so they stepped into the gloom of the maintenance hallways.

* * *

><p>"I spy with my little eye…something wiry!"<p>

"Lemme guess, Ed…is it a wire?"

"Wow, you're a genius, Eddy!"

"Heh, I know".

The three Eds had been making their way through the jungle of wires and old equipment for a while now, impatiently awaiting their new companion's return to "consciousness"…if it ever were to occur, that is. So far, all they had seen the ball do was spark weakly and sputter out some nonsense about demonic horsies. Ed was still perpetually hopeful that it would recover, however, and had contrived to keep it warm amidst the folds of his noxious coat. Unfortunately, this meant that the newly-activated glow of Wheatley's optic went unnoticed, leaving the core to nervously eavesdrop on the odd trio as they stumbled onward.

"So…what now?"

"I'm afraid I haven't a clue, Eddy. Ed?"

"I miss Rolf's chickens, guys".

"That's neither here nor there, Ed. What we need is a plan…"

"Oh, that's Eddy's job!"

"You expect me to think when I'm this hungry? Okay, how's this for a plan: find some grub".

"Works for me!"

"NEXT STOP: AISLE 9: POTATOS AND ROCK N' ROLL!"

"_Floor _9, actually…I mean, uh, SYSTEMS INOPERABLE, HAVE A NICE DAY".

"Hey, did you hear something?"

"Nah".

"No, not a peep".

"SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"

Both Wheatley and his captors looked up towards the ceiling in bewilderment, though only the former had any clue as to what had made the noise…or, rather, who. It was almost assuredly the aptly named Space Core, a sphere that was due for the dumpster in a week or two. While Wheatley had only conversed with the poor core for a brief and very confusing three minutes, it had been enough for him to later take pity on and temporarily save his fellow robot from the jaws of Android Hell. I mean, he was going to die anyways, right? Might as well let him wander for a bit, y'know, reflect on the fleeting joys of life and whatnot…

_And now that very same core might save HIM._

But as abruptly as it had started, Space Core's racket began to fade. He hadn't noticed them.

…_or not._

"Aw, I think he wants to fly with his people…"

"…huh?"

Edd and Eddy turned around just in time to see Ed placing the mysterious orb back onto the tracks above them.

"…okay, I'm lost. So, you think he is…"

"…uh, not flying".

"Trapped, you mean! Like a bird in a cage, bound by the bars barring him from sweet freedom".

"Uh-huh! Can we let him free, Eddy? Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohpl ease…"

"Yeah, I guess…it's not like it's doin' anything anyways…"

Almost immediately after Eddy had finished talking, however, the machine suddenly sprung back to life and began to zoom away, ignoring their surprise completely as he quickly disappeared into the mist behind them.

"…okay…now back to food-searching, I'm starved!"

"And the PLOT MOVES ON!"

"If ya say so, numbskull…"

Ed smiled brightly. Perhaps that wasn't the best decision he had made all day, but in the end, he couldn't feel happier. Seeing the sphere's escape was uplifting, somehow...it was just something about seeing it fly away like a bird through the night…

A graceful bird…

A CHICKEN…

Yup, he really couldn't feel happier.

_HEY, NOTHING REALLY HAPPENED BUT PLOT DEVELOPMENT! WHeEeeEeeEEeeEeEeeeEEeeE..._

_Now remember, children, to beat me up for grammar and spelling errors!  
><em>


End file.
